There must have been times when you asked a friend or family member who visited what they want, hoping they’ll not ask for something that required spoons.
If you insist on a spoonful meal and I give you a plastic spoon, it’s not disrespect. It’s me trying to understand the mysterious ways spoons disappear from the kitchen.
Why would I have a complete set of stainless steel flatware that misses an entire segment before I wake up in the morning?
That wasn’t rhetorical. I’m asking “why?” If you know, please tell me in the comment section.
One theory exists. It’s sneaky eaters who, when faced with the shame of discovery, dispose of the spoons in order to bury their malefaction.
If I could open the chairs or untouched parts of the wardrobe and drawers, it’s certain that I’ll find two or three spoons hiding in there, waiting to be rediscovered.
More saddening is that the spoon may have been thrown in the trash. What better way to hide that you’ve scooped out of the just made out of bounds stew than to toss the spoon in the trash before anyone catches you?
And what this says about people who toss spoons away to conceal their sneaky behaviour is the underlying character flaw this reveals.
People who would use spoons to drink somewhat forbidden stew or ‘take’ meat may pull off a host of surreptitious activities outside of what’s legal and acceptable.
This sneaky behaviour just tells the world you would sneak to watch supposedly forbidden TV like porn, or sneaky ass oil applications, etc.
Another theory. It could just be you throwing away these spoons subconsciously and blaming the whole world.
You first notice these missing spoons probably when you want to host a small party, or have more people around who may need spoons for their meals.
Worse still? When the spoons go, forks follow suit, then plates.
This makes you mad that you ask all the questions in the enquiry dictionary. Was a terrorist sneaking into your house and taking spoons? Was someone using a giant magnet to suck them away? If so, how did they avoid other silverware in the house? Were aliens harvesting your silverware to power a return trip to their planet?
One other theory. Spoons are spiritual objects and literally walk away from toxic and dirty homes. “We can’t live here!” They will scream before going into thin air.
A 2005 paper titled “The case of the disappearing teaspoons: longitudinal cohort study of the displacement of teaspoons in an Australian research institute,” mentioned that “Somewhere in the cosmos, along with all the planets inhabited by humanoids, reptiloids, walking treeoids, and superintelligent shades of the colour blue, a planet is entirely given over to spoon life-forms.
“Unattended spoons make their way to this planet, slipping away through space to a world where they enjoy a uniquely spoonoid lifestyle, responding to highly spoon oriented stimuli, and generally leading the spoon equivalent of the good life.”
Any which way, if you wanted to keep your spoons and forks the same number you got them, you will need a kitchen inventory and that includes taking notes when people visit.
Also know that spoons have a natural antipathy towards humans and know peace.
Lord Rickie Speaks 
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