Computer Village is where it rains

“Na puff puff dey inside. The puff don even spoil.”

Chukwuebuka was pained that it was his fellow ‘town’s brother’ who had duped him of ten of thousands of naira in a Buhari economy. The joke about the spoilt puff puff was a comic relief for Chukwuebuka.

“Abeg! All of this one wey you dey do dey vex me. Make we go this place go scatter ground,” Chukwuebuka’s slim-bodied friend, Martin, said.

The grieving Chukwuebuka looked at his friend with disdain. Sized him up and wanted to smile.

“No look my body nwoke a. We fit scatter everywhere. No dey look body,” Martin said, walking away from the scene of the ultimate discovery.

Chukwuebuka could not believe he had just been swindled. He always boasted that he is part of the 0.3% of the population who could never be shortchanged.

“You wey talk say dem no fit obtain you. You see am now?” Martin said as he walked away. He was smiling now.

Chukwuebuka just looked on. This was not the time to start fighting his friend, who had no idea how everything happened. Not forgetting that it happened fast.

“See ehn! Nwanne m, all these boys for Computer Village no dey look face oo. Na like so dem collect my 7,000 naira last three months. I no even fit trace the guy sef. The money don waka before I look right and left,” Callistus narrated. He would have loved to add ‘If that makes you feel any better’. But no Nigerian says that.

“Na that one pain you? Last two weeks, dem remove my 90,000 naira from my pocket. Na the person wey carry the money dey ask me wetin I wan buy. I…”

“It’s not a fucking competition guys!” Chukwuebuka screamed. “How do you people even start telling your own life stories only when something similar happened to someone else? Someone has an accident and you go ‘haaa! That’s how a trailer climbed my big toe last week. I almost die. Even doctor talk say God save me’. My money is gone and gone for bad. My only anger is I spent two months saving for that phone.”

Everywhere went silent. The only thing in their heads was their own person stories they wanted to narrate and not how they’ll cheer up their friend who had just lost a lot of money.

But, that was not the first and last time Chukwuebuka had an encounter with a stinger. The second time was a lady who he was too confident could not sting him. The third time at a shop where he purchased an item at thrice the price.

Chukwuebuka decided he was not going to Computer Village to get anything himself again.

“I go just give person the money make him buy am. So, if he is swindled, na him Sabi.” He told his friends, who laughed hard at his decision.

“You’re supposed to learn from your experience and develop thick skin for Computer Village stingers, not cry and run from your fears.” Martin said still laughing.

“Motivational speaker Martin. If I stone you puff puff, your mouth go close. After several encounters, you think you can be faster than those guys?”

“Of course you can. Learn their ways. First, don’t follow all those ones that stand at the entrance. Look for a shop yourself. Don’t buy anything outside a shop. At least, not something as big as a phone. I get one friend wey dem wan sell fake iPhone 8 and him wan pay when him own friend who dey sell for the villa greet am, see the friend, tell am say na fake. It’s hilarious but not something we should really smile at.”

“The way Martin switches is phenomenal.” Chukwuebuka started. “He’ll tell you to fight today, learn their ways tomorrow, give motivational speech a day after tomorrow, and you wonder which version of Martin you should listen to.”

They all burst out laughing.

They all talked of their experiences and laughed all day. Each of them had at least two stories to tell. Even the fighter, Martin, had lost blood as he says it.

“That one pain me shaa. The guy first said they don’t have the Panasonic brand and I should buy the one they had. It was a brand I had no knowledge of. Had not even heard. I refused and entered another shop whose owner also suggested the same product. I thought that was the Holy Spirit talking to me until I got home and it’s a branded version of what I wanted. Then the seller goes ‘no be me make am na. Na wetin dem tell us we dey tell customer. “

Chukwuebuka laughed the loudest. “Typical case of Thanos forced to his knee.”

“But Computer Village na real computer Village nna men!” Callistus said, smiles from the last laugh still on his face. “Even Wuse dey go Computer Village.”

“We come get GSM Village just on the other side of the main villa. If they said that’s the biggest phone and computer Village in Africa, it’s probably true. You fit loss for that place men.” Chukwuebuka added.

His experiences were not going to deter him from buying his gadgets there. He may have decided to stop visiting the market, but his gadget need were to be satisfied from simply visiting an e-commerce site.

“I tell you. I never even reach that GSM Village but dem talk say na big place.” Callistus said.

“It’s not as popular because the main village sells phones too, but it’s a really nice place to buy and repair phones.” Martin said.

Chukwuebuka forgave the stingers and made a vow not to fall into their hands again.